#8 - Never stop stopping
AKA why quitting isn't that bad at times
Outset updates
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Spotlight
In our previous edition, we talked about that feeling of inadequacy we all feel at times and what to do about it. Today, we talk about quitting, whether it’s quiet or loud, and why we should maybe do it more often.
The freedom to figure out who we are
After 25-odd years, my dad still reminds me every now and then that I used to have the unnerving habit of wanting to start a new hobby every month.
First there was jujitsu.
Then I wanted to be a majorette (as discussed here) - this one wasn’t my fault, I wouldn’t have dropped that for the world but the teacher left and there was no one else with her skillset available in our neighborhood (unsurprisingly).
Then guitar lessons.
Then a countless more I can’t even remember - and I’m not going to call up my parents and find out (you got me, I actually did, and this is what my mom said: “Oh yes, you never stopped talking, I’d tell you ‘You need to stop talking for 10 seconds now’ and you would count out loud to ten, then start again.” Thanks Mom, that wasn’t the question but I guess you’ve got a few of those to take off your chest, so fair dos).
What this meant for my parents and grandparents was a lot of money spent on barely used equipment and the stress of having to take me to each of those lessons.
What it meant for me though, was that I got to try a lot of different things, experiment, understand who I was, what I liked.
And this made me think about the concept of quitting.
The dark side of never quitting
We’ve been raised with the idea that quitting is for losers. If we exclude this childhood phase of experimentation, my life was very much “stringi i denti e vai avanti” (which can be loosely translated to "grit your teeth and keep going").
We live in a society where quitting is the quintessential sin. So many of us stayed in jobs or relationships that weren’t right for us just because we didn’t want to give up.
It’s a much more nuanced topic than just the black and white “quit whenever something gets hard” versus “stick with it until it kills ya”. Yet, it’s quite obvious that we are primed to condemn those who say “I’m out of here” and praise those who just power through things.
The issue with this is that it gets very difficult to grasp how much exactly is enough and when it’s legit to let go.
It also creates a sort of paradox - we stick with things we don’t like and end up missing the opportunity to find something we’d actually enjoy.
This is true across the board - a job, a romantic partner, a friendship, a hobby.
A lesson from kids
Even exercise.
This idea that we need to make ourselves like the thing (whatever it is) drives our actions, and often means we are denying ourselves the opportunity to find a better fit.
Mind you, this doesn’t mean everything needs to be peaches and smooth sailing all the time and we should stop at the first sign of a hiccup - but we probably need to strike a better balance between forcing ourselves to be someone we are not versus allowing ourselves to explore who we might be.
One example is exercising for weight loss. To be more efficient, we typically engage with the activity that gets the most return in the shortest amount of time (like brutal spinning classes), we grind our teeth through it, we hate every second of it, and the moment it gets just too difficult to bear, we drop it.
But what if we dropped that activity when we stopped enjoying it and moved to something else instead?
What if instead of sweat and tears during that spinning class we had a good laugh whilst unicycling (a very particular example offered to me by one of our beta testers - apparently unicycling cons are a thing, and they are a blast)?
Is it really worth it to stop loving exercise altogether because we picked the wrong activity when in turn we could have taken this as an opportunity to explore new things until one sticks?
It’s a bit like refusing to believe in love because of that one partner (we all had that - if unlucky, more than one. If you want to start a support group, you’ve got my contact).
In this respect, kids are much better at judging what’s worth spending their time on.
Not fun? Pass.
Not satisfying? No thanks.
And the truth is, most kids enjoy a bit of challenge - just not of the kind that would make you miserable.
Maybe, and especially when it comes to exercise, we can, and should, be a bit more like kids. Move our bodies for fun, find what makes us laugh and concentrate on feeling good in the moment.
What’s the worst that can happen?
In the news
Ever felt sluggish after a workout? It may be due to hormones - to facilitate recovery, women should ideally eat within 30 to 45 minutes after a workout, whilst men can delay eating to up to 3 hours.
Feeling like you need to catch a breath? That might actually be a great idea. Deep breathing has been shown to help with a variety of mental health issues, including anxiety and trauma - breathing lowers you heart-rate within minutes, bringing you down in stressful situations.
Thinking about picking up a new sport? Swimming may be right up your alley, especially in these hot summer days (if you exclude the UK, where summer this year lasted exactly a week). It’s easy on the joint and offers a complete body workout.
Gem of the week (and why you should care)
In recent years, the idea that the guts act like a second brain has become increasingly popular. A recent study published in Nature Mental health looked more closely at the gut profile of people who are particularly resilient to stress.
What they found is not surprising but definitely interesting: those who score as more resilient to stress also have a better anti-inflammatory response and an overall stronger “gut filter”, which blocks toxins and pathogens from reaching other parts of our body.
So what does this mean? A healthy diet, with the right amount of prebiotics and probiotics, can be our best ally when it comes to coping with stress.
That’s all, folks.
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Thanks for reading this edition and see you next week!
Sonia Ponzo
CEO and Founder at Outset Wellness